Month: November 2015

Self Love Sunday II

Love this 💗

“Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible… controlling that which we cannot….and instead focus on that which is possible, which usually means taking care of ourselves. And we do this in gentleness, kindness, and love as much as possible.”
Melody Beattie 

Self Love Sunday

Hmmm…I like that title…i think i will make it a regular..

It’s been a tough few days. I’ve been busy wrapping up work stuff and that has been tiring. There’s been lots of cake to eat, more than i have had in any one month this year. The next few runs are going to hurt, a lot.

Yesterday, Saturday, was particularly difficult.

I had nowhere to be till the afternoon and i felt like the world was hanging from my limbs.

I knew i should get up and lace up, but i didn’t. I couldn’t. Not even toss and turn.

I knew what was happening. It was the depression all over again. Finally i got up and showered and dressed but it felt like i was in slow motion. Like my brain was struggling to reboot itself.

I was supposed to go for a baby shower but i sent my apologies and instead went to a meeting. Sometimes it feels like the love and attention from family is suffocating and that i don’t quite fit. That i am hiding my situation from them (which to be fair i am) ..sigh…

So i got out and went for my meeting and had a drink afterwards. It felt good.

I’m babbling…

Today i got up and it felt like a good day. I thanked God..and i continue to do so.

So here i am, i seem to be back, not too high and not too low and it feels good. Taking it a breath at a time. Faking it until it becomes the truth. In this moment i am loving myself in little ways; admiring my body in the mirror, my hair, nails and positive self talk.

Do the same. And see what happens.

#paris

Before Paris there was Beirut, Baghdad, Nairobi, New York….the list is endless. Burundi is an ongoing situation.
As we pray for Paris, let us pray for humanity.
When we understand that we share the sun, moon, stars, the earth; that divisions occur only in our minds, only then will this senseless actions end and become history.
image

Fighting

You can run all you want but when the darkness hits you, you have no choice but to ride it out. You can’t hold on. There are no finger holds.
Nothing to grab onto. So as terrifying, mind numbing as it is, you have to ride it out.
You’re so sad that all you want to do is sit, curl up in a corner and cry. Hold yourself. Hear yourself breath. Every breath reassures you that you can make it, a breath at a time.

Sometimes it also helps to put a time limit on how long you’ll stay in the darkness. Make the necessary choices to fight to see the light. Fake it. Use every breath. Be willing to die fighting.

But first, let me see what lies at the bottom of the bottle of Southern Comfort and at the end of this joint.
Depression is a bitch.