Month: February 2016

Self Destruction/Change Part 2

One could argue that it is not really destruction but change. And change is painful, and scary, but worth it.
Clarity comes after the change.

I fight with my demons every day sometimes I win with a knockout in the first round. Other times, I struggle to the 12th round. Other times I get knocked out before the ref (whoever it may be) has stepped away or the bell rings..sigh…

But I live to fight another day and that’s good right?


Self Destruction/Change

Unfortunately we are our own destruction.
Every day, wake up and do what I do, go to work and bite my tongue. I don’t say what I really want to say because I need the money. I can’t be me, and it sucks. Obviously.
I would like to be able to run a half marathon nonstop.
Drink or eat whatever I want with no consequences.
Have great sex with
Be as fit and sexy, and have the devil may care attitude that I had when I was in my twenties.
But that is the past, and I don’t live there.
You could work so hard to attain a goal, degree, dream job or relationship. Then somehow destroy it akin to walking in front of a bus.
I’ve done things and looked back and wondered what the hell I was thinking when I did them.
I don’t know how I made it to this moment.
Somebody somewhere is watching out for me and I’m grateful.
Change is coming. I can feel it.
It’s pointless to fight it.
So I embrace it, take a deep breath and enjoy the ride.

Hopefully I don’t destroy myself too much.

My first statement. I fight that every, damn, day.